I haven’t written/blogged in a while but I am doing great!! Of course the Pink Cloud phase…only on day 43 or so. Keeping very busy with Spring right around the corner, I think! Our purple martins are here, got my cold plants out in the garden, others started in the greenhouse, baseball practices and then life in general….I have come to the conclusion I don’t have time to drink!!! LOL!!!
My dad has always told me they can kill you but they can’t eat you. He is a Vietnam Vet and apparently that was a loving gesture when he was in the Navy. I never really understood what he was telling me until Ugh, 40 years later….I am getting stronger everyday when I do not use alcohol. My mind is sharper, peaceful and calm. I do get upset, worried, feelings hurt but then I think Hey they can’t eat me. I will survive this…My record has been 100% so far…I don’t need to drink over this or that…I got this…Except Bears!
Day 30 today folks from my last relapse…..in the last 123 days I have drank one time….more than one drink and it was a binge but still proud of once in four months and now 30 days consecutively…Yes a relapse is a relapse and I have started over but I am still proud of the progress….Beautiful day here in Southern Illinois today….Looking forward to taking it slow today and enjoying my journey.
On another note…My husband has decided to buy another piece of equipment, off EBay of all things, being shipped from PA. No returns, he has not seen it in person and we spent $30,000.00 on it. Yes this bothers me but I am going to trust my journey. If God didn’t want him to purchase it the deal would have fell through. I worry a lot but not over this….it is out of my control and I will trust my HP…I will trust my journey.
Today my ex-husband is going to court for his 5th DUI and hitting the police officer that was fingering printing him. What picture did that just create in your head??? I am worried as I know he is not a criminal but an alcoholic.
The system is wanting him to go to prison but I know this will not help him. Yes he needs to be held responsible for his actions but if they really want to rehabilitate him send him to rehab for a year, the drinking is a symptom of something deeper. Both of his parents were 19 year old alcoholics and left him a lot to drink and run around. He mother is dead now and his dad is remarried and does not drink….now. Please just say prayers that God’s will is done and that a blessing comes from this situation. Thanks for listening to this rambling!!! Lets always remember those who are still suffering, for we are many!!!! Love, hugs and sobriety today.
So I have been ran through the ringer this week and it’s only Wednesday, but I am sober. I got my feelings hurt today. A girl that doesn’t like me, which is fine because I am not fond of her either, went to the gym I work at and said she and her friends would never take a class that I teach. Fine, no big deal to me, I didn’t expect her to come as she has knee problems and there is no way she could do the class anyway. She isn’t what you say physically fit or fitness minded but why does she feel the need to say that at my place of employment and directly to the owners. She owns her own business and her husband has a business and I would never speak poorly of either. Actually this girl isn’t even on my radar. I am not jealous of her in anyway, I just stay away from her. She is very drama driven and just plain old mean but it still has hurt me. If I don’t like someone I wish them well in my head and avoid them like the plague. Anyway thanks for listening and I guess most of us alcoholic’s get our feeling hurt easily…Time for my nap!!! Ha!
I am going to start off with the good. I passed my group fitness instructor and personal trainer exam with a 93%. I am super excited at the prospect of being a personal trainer. I imagine myself helping someone discover their inner strength and self-confidence. Yes all rainbows and unicorns……
The bad….Well I need to give a little history. My sons dad, D, is an alcoholic. He is looking a being sent to prison as of next Tuesday. He is not a criminal but truly an alcoholic. He has never missed a child support payment, he has always provided excellent health insurance and seen our son regularly for his first 9 years here on Earth……but he is an alcoholic….binge/blackout drinker…He has received his 5th DUI and while being fingered printed he hit the officer and cut his face open….the prosecutor is willing to drop the DUI (WHAT???) but want to hang him on the battery of a police officer, which is a Felony and send him to prison for 2 years. I am torn as I do not see this as a way to change him or help him. I would rather see him court ordered to a rehab for a year and see our tax money spent helping him not keeping him in a jail cell and not changing…So not only is my son loosing his dad but his child support (Approximately $7,200.00 a year) and his excellent health insurance….but we will be fine. My husband has been in our lives since my son was 15 months and like I said before he is now 9.
Bad news number two….Well it’s my mom. She has battled substance abuse (But it’s prescribed, it’s her medicine!! Some doctors, which she is good at finding, are just legal drug dealers), alcoholism, low self-esteem and a very unhealthy co-dependent relationship with my older, half-sister….Yesterday morning I received a phone call from the local police that my mom was in a bad way. Now I have seen my mom slobbering, head bobbing, thick tongue, crawling across the floor, cussing me on how she deserves this….WHAT?? But yesterday she was scared, wide awake, no slobbering…..I went to the ER thinking she had taken something but her blood work came back negative. She said something that she hadn’t had her anti-depressant in a couple weeks and had been up 5 days with no food. It was heartbreaking. The hospital was great and she is now in a local psych ward. I have been here before, they will keep her up to 2 weeks then send her home. You can’t fix that in 2 weeks….that’s just a vacation for her to get her rest, food, and medications changed up…..The system is broke. I wish I could take all the 2 weeks she has been in over the years and put them together and keep her there and get her the help she needs…..
So my sons dad went on a huge bender over the weekend and my mom went to the psych ward….but I will not drink….Lets remember all who are still struggling, for they are many….Love, Peace and Sobriety!
PS this is a lot of rambling and I know I just put a lot of information out there but I feel better writing it out.